6 Steps to Set Good Boundaries

6 Steps to Set Good Boundaries

Name your limits.

You can’t set good boundaries if you’re unsure of where you stand. So identify your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual limits etc.

Decide what your core values are.

Who are you? What do you value? Figure out what, exactly, you're comfortable with and what you aren't. For example, I don't like to talk on the phone during work hours, so when I'm at work I don't accept personal calls until after 5pm.

You can't change others, so change yourself.

We cannot change others. We are not responsible for what comes out of their mouth, the daily choices they make or their reactions, etc. you can't change other people, change how you deal with them.

Decide the consequences ahead of time.

So what do we do if anyone pushes our boundaries (because they will)? Decide what the consequences are. For example, if my boyfriend cheats on me after knowing monogamy is a boundary of mine, I leave the relationship.

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

The biggest part of boundaries is HOW clearly you communicate them. You can have the most healthy set of boundaries on the planet but if you do not communicate them clearly, you are going to create some really confusing relationships, both for you and everyone else involved.

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The Importance of Communication In Your Marriage

The Importance of Communication In Your Marriage

Communication is the vehicle through which all other important parts of marriage are performed. If you love someone, but you don’t use your words and your actions to communicate it, you’re not doing right by your partner. If you trust someone, let them know. Communicate it to them. If you can communicate honestly, your marriage has a good chance of being happy and healthy.

FIND AN OPPORTUNE TIME TO TALK CALMLY ABOUT THE ISSUES.

Preserving time to check in with each other can help you be more productive. Arrange a time in the near future when you are both likely to be calm and comfortable. Perhaps you find that morning tends to work best, or Sunday afternoon when you’re in a more relaxed mood. You may need to adjust your schedule slightly so you have some extra time.

It’s good for Your Health

Good communications in marriage reduces stress for two reasons. First, it allows you to resolve the tension between you, and second, it allows you to “vent’ some of your anxieties from other areas of your life. Many couples report that their partner is the first person they could fully trust. “I can tell him anything”, one wife said recently. “I know he will listen and understand how I feel.”

Builds Up Your Relationship

Couples who don’t communicate are in danger of losing love and affection for one another. All relationships are nourished by communications. If you don’t communicate with parents, siblings, co-workers, children, or your partner, you lose touch with them and your relationship withers.

You Learn More About Yourself

Have you ever tried to explain your thoughts or feelings to someone else and during the conversation you end up in a different place from where you began? Putting your thoughts into words forces you to clarify them. Talking and listening also allows you to fine tune your ideas.

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6 Steps to Recovering from a Toxic Trauma Bond

6 Steps to Recovering from a Toxic Trauma Bond

Trauma bonds occur in very toxic relationships, and tend to be strengthened by inconsistent positive reinforcement—or at least the hope of something better to come. Trauma bonds occur in extreme situations such as abusive relationships, hostage situations, and incestuous relationships, but also in any ongoing attached relationship in which there is a great deal of pain interspersed with times of calm (or maybe just less pain).

Make a commitment to live in reality. If you find yourself wanting to fantasize about what could be or what you hope will be, stop. Remind yourself that you have made a commitment to live in truth.

Live in real time. That means stop holding on to what “could” or “will” happen tomorrow. Notice what is happening in the moment. Notice how trapped you feel. Notice how unloved you feel and how you have compromised your self-respect and self-worth for this relationship. Pay attention to your emotions.

Live one decision at a time and one day at a time. Sometimes people scare themselves with all-or-nothing thinking. Don’t tell yourself things like, “I have to never talk to the toxic person again or else”; this is akin to trying to lose weight by telling yourself you can never eat chocolate again. While it is true that your relationship is an unhealthy one, you don’t need to make every encounter a do-or-die situation. Don’t scare yourself.

Make decisions that only support your self-care. That is, do not make any decision that hurts you. This goes for emotional “relapses” as well. If you find yourself feeling weak, don’t mentally berate yourself, but rather talk to yourself in compassionate, understanding, and reflective ways. Remind yourself that you are a work in process and life is a journey. 

Learn to grieve. Letting go of a toxic relationship and breaking a traumatic bond may be one of the hardest things you ever have to do. You cannot do it without honoring the reality you are losing something very valuable to you.

Build healthy connections. The only way to really free yourself from unhealthy connections is to start investing in healthy ones. Develop other close, connected, and bonded relationships that are not centered on drama. Make these your “go-to” people. It is extremely difficult to heal without support. Notice the people in your life who show you loving concern, and care and hang around with them as often as you can. Reach out for professional help as needed.

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5 Ways to Put Yourself First

5 Ways to Put Yourself First

Start Saying “No”

A lot of people have a problem saying no. We feel like we will come off as mean or ungrateful if we refuse our time or services to people who ask for them. But we can’t let other people’s perceptions of us lead us down a path of unhappiness. You are allowed to say no.

Take Time for Yourself Regularly

Those once a month date nights or five minutes of reprieve after your kids fall asleep before you pass out for the night aren’t enough to count as real time to yourself. 

Stop Trying To Be Supermom

You have a family and a partner for a reason, a large part of that reason is due to the support that they provide. Being a good wife and mother doesn’t mean that you have to do everything by yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask for accept help when you need it.

Be Indulgent

Money, time, and obligations keep us from jet setting off to tropical beaches anytime we get stressed or disconnecting from the world when we need some time to get ourselves together. That only makes the little things that much more important.

Squash The Mom Guilt

Mom guilt is so, so real. Whether we’re being made to feel guilty by other moms or by ourselves, it can cause a lot of pain and self-doubt. One of the main, and maybe most important, rules of putting yourself first is letting go of the guilt

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Empathy Teaching Kids To Value Others

Empathy Teaching Kids To Value Others

What Is Empathy?

Empathy Not only is it the ability to recognize how someone feels, but it also values and respects the feelings of another person. It means treating others with kindness, dignity, and understanding.

Kids Need To See Adults Show Empathy

While some children are gifted with naturally kind hearts, in most cases kids need to see empathy modelled by the adults around them. It begins with the way parents relate to their children. Parents who show an interest in the things that matter to their kids and respond to emotions in a positive and caring way are teaching the skill of empathy.

Meet Emotional Needs

When children have their emotional needs met, two things happen. They learn how to meet the emotional needs of others and they are anchored in what they are receiving, meaning that they are secure enough to give to others when the need arises but first they need to receive. An empty jug cannot fill a cup.

Develop Their Inner Moral Compass

Teaching your kids the difference between right and wrong from a young age gives them a strong internal moral compass that will direct them to make good choices. In situations that require a decision, help them to see how our choices and behaviour affect others.

Empathetic Kids: Givers Not Takers

By raising your kids to understand and practice empathy, you’re giving them the gift of giving. In a world where great emphasis is placed on looking out for your own interests, people who are givers are all too rare. But they are the ones who enjoy the greatest satisfaction from life, live the most meaningful lives, and enjoy more rewarding relationships. Teaching your kids empathy is a worthwhile investment for their own futures and for the world they will inhabit.

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HOMEWORK HELP: 4 TIPS FOR PARENTS ON HOW TO MAKE HOMEWORK FUN

HOMEWORK HELP: 4 TIPS FOR PARENTS ON HOW TO MAKE HOMEWORK FUN

Think out of the box. If you are tutoring your child on a particular topic or assignment, it would be best if you use various approaches so he or she won’t be bored. You can present the discussion differently, in a way that he or she will enjoy. Out of the box would mean that you are willing to use methods outside of the typical ones just for your child to pay attention to what are you teaching.

Be more engaging. Kids love activities that are interactive. If you provide homework help, make sure that your focus is one hundred percent on the topic so your child will be more attentive. Remember, if your child sees that you are not really into what you are doing, he or she will also think of other things. When your child is distracted, it will be more difficult for him or her to absorb any information or learn.

Help your kids how to do homework. you are extremely busy for all day, but you should take some time and join your children while they are making their lessons at home. You will be able to see what they work in school at the current time, and they may ask you how to do homework. Give them good advice how they need to make this or that. We are not going to suggest telling them how to cheat on homework, but you can teach them how to focus on homework, and with other our tips, your kids will have their homework fun!

Use props. Some kids are “visual learners,” meaning that they learn faster by reading, seeing images, or objects. Visual learners understand and remember information by sight. When having a conversation with your child about a certain topic, show him or her materials that he or she can relate to the discussion at hand. During homework help sessions, parents could use props such as toys and other materials for each respective subject.

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How to deal with a gambling addiction?

How to deal with a gambling addiction

Recognizing Your Gambling Problem Recognize your behavior for what it is. Admitting the problem is the first major step in dealing with it. If you first recognize the signs of your problem, you can then learn to modify your behavior.

Accept the consequences of your gambling. Gambling excessively can cause many issues including: relationship problems, financial issues, legal problems, occupational concerns (job loss), substance use, poor health, and mental health issues (such as depression).

Understand the risks of gambling. Knowing the risks of gambling may help encourage people who gamble to consider the consequences before deciding to gamble.

Change your thinking about gambling. Negative thinking habits such as irrational beliefs, the illusion of control, and the gamblers fallacy can lead to increases in gambling behaviours. Reduce these negative thoughts by identifying them and modifying them.

Prepare words to tell yourself when you want to gamble. Planning on what to tell yourself when you feel the urge to gamble can help ensure that you have a strategy when the time comes; this strategy can help you limit or eradicate your gambling.

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Internet Addiction Disorder

Internet Addiction Disorder 

Internet addiction disorder (IAD), also known as problematic Internet use or pathological Internet use, is excessive Internet use that interferes with daily life. An Internet addiction is typically characterized by a level of Internet use that impairs relationships; brings about family, work, or interpersonal difficulties; and impacts daily function in a negative way.

A  Counselor or other mental health professional can often help those seeking treatment address and resolve this concern. 

IDENTIFYING INTERNET ADDICTION

A person who is experiencing Internet addiction may:

Exhibit a preoccupation with the Internet, even when not using it

Use the Internet more and more frequently

Be unable to stop or cut back on Internet use (in spite of attempts to do so)

Feel moody, irritable, low, or restless as a result of attempts to cut back on Internet use

Use the Internet to regulate mood or gain relief from the negative effects of problems

Risk losing employment, romantic relationships, friendships, or academic standing in order to spend more time

Symptoms of the internet Addiction.

Depression

Dishonesty

Inability to Prioritize or Keep Schedules

Isolation

No Sense of Time

Defensiveness

Avoidance of Work

Agitation

Physical Symptoms of Internet Addiction Disorder.

Backache

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

Headaches

Insomnia

Poor Nutrition (failing to eat or eating in excessively to avoid being away from the computer)

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Emotional Eating

Emotional Eating

Emotional eating occurs when a person is in the throes of an emotional roller-coaster. This may include emotions ranging from: stress, sadness, frustration and anxiety to name a few. It’s been a bad day at work. The kids have been acting up all day. You're stressed. How do you deal with it? Maybe by gobbling an extra piece of fried chicken? Or reaching into the bag of chips while zoning out in front of the television? Perhaps by snuggling up with a container of ice cream and spoon in bed? We've all caught ourselves giving in to emotional eating. And yet we also know that we can't lose weight without limiting the calories that pass our lips. So how do you move beyond the urge to use food to fix feelings of anxiety, anger, or frustration? And how do you keep your kids from falling into the same trap?

 Make your house healthy.

Make your house healthy. Start with the obvious: If there is no junk food in the house, you can't binge on it. Instead, keep unprocessed, low-calorie, low-fat foods such as fresh fruits and vegetables, hummus, and unbuttered popcorn around for munching. And remember that they're not just for your kids

Figure out what's triggering emotional eating.

The next time you reach for comfort food, ask yourself, "Why do I want this candy bar? Am I really hungry?" If not, try to figure out what emotions you are feeling. Are you stressed, angry, bored, scared, sad, and lonely?

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5 Simple ways to relieve stress and anxiety

5 Simple ways to relieve stress and anxiety

Laugh

Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease. It's hard to feel anxious when you're laughing. It's good for your health, and there are a few ways it may help relieve stress:

Take a Yoga Class

Yoga is so much more than just physical exercise, though. The key to getting the best out of each pose is to focus not only on your body, but also on your mind and breathing. Yoga primarily does this by increasing body and breath awareness.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness describes practices that anchor you to the present moment. It can help combat the anxiety-inducing effects of negative thinking  There are several methods for increasing mindfulness, including mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, mindfulness-based stress reduction, yoga and meditation.

Deep Breathing

Mental stress activates your sympathetic nervous system, signalling your body to go into "fight-or-flight" mode. Deep breathing is one of the best ways to lower stress in the body. This is because when you breathe deeply, it sends a message to your brain to calm down and relax. The brain then sends this message to your body. ... Breathing exercises are a good way to relax, reduce tension, and relieve stress.

Spend Time With Your Pet

Having a pet may help reduce stress and improve your mood. Interacting with pets may help release oxytocin, a brain chemical that promotes a positive mood  Having a pet may also help relieve stress by giving you purpose, keeping you active and providing companionship — all qualities that help reduce anxiety.

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Aggressive Behavior Children

Aggressive Behavior Children

Aggressive behavior children also cause considerable distress in others

Aggressive children may be argumentative and verbally aggressive. They may have difficulty controlling their temper and are easily upset and annoyed by others. They are often defiant and may appear angry and resentful. Their aggressive behaviors can disrupt lessons in school and hurt, intimidate and frighten other children. 

Some children exhibit aggressive behaviors that are less extreme or problematic, but worrisome nonetheless

They may slap or poke other children or pinch them. Some children throw small objects or bang and break things when they are angry and upset. Others have temper tantrums and kick or scream.

Some children are verbally aggressive

They call other children names, they threaten and tease them or they use emotional control to victimize and push other children around. They might ostracize them and spread rumors about them.

Psychosocial Symptoms

Extreme emotional swings.

Difficulties reading social cues from others.

Fearfulness of others.

Irritability.

Anxiety.

Depression.

Anger.

Frustration.

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Benefits of Adopting a pet

Benefits of Adopting a Pet

Pet Owners knows that pet offer unconditional affection, love, and happiness.  Researches  show that pet helps to reduce stress, tension, loneliness, depression, anxiety and improve health benefits. Pet helps us to improve mood and cope Depression in following ways:

Unconditional love: Pets are our four-legged friend who shows lots of affection without any expectation.

Divert Attention:   Pets improve our mood because they can easily distract from stressful thoughts.

Discipline: Pet helps us to maintain routine and it’s very important to manage depression. So, with dogs comes great responsibility.

Physical Health: Pets do lots of physical activity and also motivate and force us to do an activity.

New People: Pet Help us meet new people.

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how to help someone with depression

How to help someone with Depression 

You can do the following if you help someone with depression:

1. Listen carefully without interrupting then and don’t advise them.
2. Present sympathy and provide help if he needed but must be accepted by someone.
3. Do some activity together like Outdoor games, Walk etc.
4. Must focus on your own emotional status too to stay emotionally balance
5. Guide them to eat healthy meal
6. You need to accumulate information about depression through books
7. You may also take help from Psychologist.

Before helping depressed individual we need to know the common symptom of Depression so we can take action at right time. If someone shows the following behaviour that could be depression:

1. Someone lost interest in an activity like: sex, movie, hang out with friend and family.
2. Showing short tempered behaviour
3. Unhealthy sleep pattern
4. Unhealthy Eating Pattern
5. Excessive use of Alcohol or other abusive drugs
6. Continuous complaint about muscles, joints pain, stomach pain and headache.

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Music therapy

Music therapy

A type of expressive arts therapy that uses music to improve and maintain the physical, psychological, and social well-being of individuals—involves a broad range of activities, such as listening to music, singing, and playing a musical instrument.

This type of therapy is facilitated by a trained therapist and is often used in hospitals, rehabilitation centres, schools, correctional facilities, nursing homes, and hospices.

Music therapy can benefit many individuals. The diverse nature of music means it can be applied in the treatment of concerns both physical and psychological. In some instances, the therapeutic use of music has been able to help people in ways that other forms of therapy have not, as it can sometimes elicit responses that may not appear through more traditional forms of treatment. When people find it difficult to express themselves verbally, they may display a greater degree of interest and engagement in music therapy than they would in a more traditional form of therapy. 

Because music can evoke positive emotions and stimulate reward centres in the brain, music therapy is often able to alleviate symptoms of mental health concerns such as:

Depression  

Mood-related concerns

Anxiety

Schizophrenia

Substance dependency

Autism

Personality issues

Insomnia

Dementia

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Art therapy

Art Therapy

Art therapy is a type of psychotherapy that utilises art and artistic mediums to help people explore their thoughts and emotions in a unique way. The idea behind this type of therapy is to use art as a primary means of communication, something that can be useful for those who find it difficult to verbalise their feelings. Being practical and using physical objects, such as paintbrushes and paper, often helps people to feel more connected to the world around them.

For example, some people find talk therapy, as utilized in many conventional forms of psychotherapy, provides the most-effective vehicle to enable them to process, reflect upon, and move forward from previous experiences. Others have difficulty verbalizing their emotions and require alternative therapeutic approaches to achieve the same result. Therefore, some therapeutic methods introduce additional activities to achieve satisfactory results. Some people, for instance, find meditation, with its soothing, flowing movements, provides the means to help them solve life situations and achieve a certain measure of happiness.

Art therapy is a popular alternative to traditional talk therapy. In this method, art becomes a medium to help the individual process emotions, reflect on, and share their feelings and thoughts. Art therapists sometimes combine art therapy with traditional psychotherapy methods.

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5 way to boost your self esteeem

5 WAY TO BOOST YOUR SELF ESTEEM

     

     1. Use positive affirmations in the right way

Affirmations meaning is confidence about a perceived truth Positive affirmations do work. An affirmation can help you replace a negative thought with a more helpful positive one and improve your attitude. The way this works is by repeating over and over a positive statement that includes within it some kind of belief or intention. The thinking goes that if you repeat this often enough you will start to believe it for real and that changes the way you behave.

2. You do you

Comparing yourself to other people is a sure-fire way to start feeling crummy. Focus to try you’re own goals and achievements, rather than measuring them against someone else’s.

3. Nobody’s perfect

Always strive to be the best version of yourself, but it’s also important to accept that perfection is an unrealistic goal.

4. Do what makes you happy

If you spend time doing the things you enjoy, you’re more likely to think positively. Try to doing little thinks that makes you happy whether that’s time spent reading, cooking –listening music Hangout with friends, if it makes you happy, make time for it.

5. Exercise

 Exercise is a great way to increase motivation, practise setting goals and build confidence. Breaking a sweat also cues the body to release endorphins, the feel-good hormones.

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Haphephobia

Haphephobia

One of the strangest phobias that can occur with anyone is haphephobia. It is a weird, and a rare type of fear of being touched by someone else. The person has a persistent and unexplainable fear that anyone would touch him/her. This is known as haphephobia

.

The symptoms of haphephobia vary in severity depending on the level of fear. Some people with this phobia are:

Able to tolerate touch that they initiate or give express permission for the other person to initiate

Able, over a long period of time, to build enough trust to overcome their reactions with one or two specific people

Uncomfortable with any form of touch at all

Look for a therapist with whom you can develop trust and therapeutic rapport, and expect the process to take some time.  with hard work, you can learn to manage your fearful reactions.

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Email Counselling

Email Counselling 

Online Counselling, such as email counseling is a form of psychotherapy that can provide you support and guidance through those challenging times and situations in life.

Email affords us both the chance to think through what we say and how we say it. This can lead to a more profound, insightful and careful conversation.

Online Counselling / Email Counselling can be done through your personal email, or using other more secure and free email sites like Hush email or Sendai.* Your email is responded to by a counsellor who will provide you with a customized and holistic approach to help you find solutions to your issues of concern. There is no need to leave your home or office!

Online counselling is particularly useful for:

·         People suffering from anxiety or depression who do not want face-to-face sessions, but do want support.

·         Expats seeking counselling in countries where their native language is not spoke.

·         Those who feel they would benefit from counselling but are resistant to walking into a therapist’s office.

·         Those who cannot afford the time required to travel to and from a counselors base.

·         People suffering from agoraphobia or illness that prevents them leaving the home.

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Humanistic Therapy

Humanistic Therapy

The aim of humanistic therapy is to help the client develop a stronger, healthier sense of self, as well as access and understand their feelings to help gain a sense of meaning in life. Humanistic therapy is a client-centered approach that emphasizes unconditional acceptance from the therapist and the free expression of the patient. With humanistic therapy, the patient is encouraged to openly express what is affecting him as he works with the therapist to find meaning, self-actualization, and understanding of his emotions.

Some fundamental assumptions of humanistic psychology include: 

·         Experiencing (thinking, sensing, perceiving, feeling, remembering, and so on) is central.

·         The subjective experience of the individual is the primary indicator of behaviour.

·         An accurate understanding of human behaviour cannot be achieved by studying animals.

·         Free will exists, and individuals should take personal responsibility for self-growth and        fulfilment. Not all behaviour is determined.

·         Self-actualization (the need for a person to reach maximum potential) is natural.

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