6 Steps to Set Good Boundaries

6 Steps to Set Good Boundaries

Name your limits.

You can’t set good boundaries if you’re unsure of where you stand. So identify your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual limits etc.

Decide what your core values are.

Who are you? What do you value? Figure out what, exactly, you're comfortable with and what you aren't. For example, I don't like to talk on the phone during work hours, so when I'm at work I don't accept personal calls until after 5pm.

You can't change others, so change yourself.

We cannot change others. We are not responsible for what comes out of their mouth, the daily choices they make or their reactions, etc. you can't change other people, change how you deal with them.

Decide the consequences ahead of time.

So what do we do if anyone pushes our boundaries (because they will)? Decide what the consequences are. For example, if my boyfriend cheats on me after knowing monogamy is a boundary of mine, I leave the relationship.

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

The biggest part of boundaries is HOW clearly you communicate them. You can have the most healthy set of boundaries on the planet but if you do not communicate them clearly, you are going to create some really confusing relationships, both for you and everyone else involved.

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The Importance of Communication In Your Marriage

The Importance of Communication In Your Marriage

Communication is the vehicle through which all other important parts of marriage are performed. If you love someone, but you don’t use your words and your actions to communicate it, you’re not doing right by your partner. If you trust someone, let them know. Communicate it to them. If you can communicate honestly, your marriage has a good chance of being happy and healthy.

FIND AN OPPORTUNE TIME TO TALK CALMLY ABOUT THE ISSUES.

Preserving time to check in with each other can help you be more productive. Arrange a time in the near future when you are both likely to be calm and comfortable. Perhaps you find that morning tends to work best, or Sunday afternoon when you’re in a more relaxed mood. You may need to adjust your schedule slightly so you have some extra time.

It’s good for Your Health

Good communications in marriage reduces stress for two reasons. First, it allows you to resolve the tension between you, and second, it allows you to “vent’ some of your anxieties from other areas of your life. Many couples report that their partner is the first person they could fully trust. “I can tell him anything”, one wife said recently. “I know he will listen and understand how I feel.”

Builds Up Your Relationship

Couples who don’t communicate are in danger of losing love and affection for one another. All relationships are nourished by communications. If you don’t communicate with parents, siblings, co-workers, children, or your partner, you lose touch with them and your relationship withers.

You Learn More About Yourself

Have you ever tried to explain your thoughts or feelings to someone else and during the conversation you end up in a different place from where you began? Putting your thoughts into words forces you to clarify them. Talking and listening also allows you to fine tune your ideas.

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if you have any question don't hesitate contact us:
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6 Steps to Recovering from a Toxic Trauma Bond

6 Steps to Recovering from a Toxic Trauma Bond

Trauma bonds occur in very toxic relationships, and tend to be strengthened by inconsistent positive reinforcement—or at least the hope of something better to come. Trauma bonds occur in extreme situations such as abusive relationships, hostage situations, and incestuous relationships, but also in any ongoing attached relationship in which there is a great deal of pain interspersed with times of calm (or maybe just less pain).

Make a commitment to live in reality. If you find yourself wanting to fantasize about what could be or what you hope will be, stop. Remind yourself that you have made a commitment to live in truth.

Live in real time. That means stop holding on to what “could” or “will” happen tomorrow. Notice what is happening in the moment. Notice how trapped you feel. Notice how unloved you feel and how you have compromised your self-respect and self-worth for this relationship. Pay attention to your emotions.

Live one decision at a time and one day at a time. Sometimes people scare themselves with all-or-nothing thinking. Don’t tell yourself things like, “I have to never talk to the toxic person again or else”; this is akin to trying to lose weight by telling yourself you can never eat chocolate again. While it is true that your relationship is an unhealthy one, you don’t need to make every encounter a do-or-die situation. Don’t scare yourself.

Make decisions that only support your self-care. That is, do not make any decision that hurts you. This goes for emotional “relapses” as well. If you find yourself feeling weak, don’t mentally berate yourself, but rather talk to yourself in compassionate, understanding, and reflective ways. Remind yourself that you are a work in process and life is a journey. 

Learn to grieve. Letting go of a toxic relationship and breaking a traumatic bond may be one of the hardest things you ever have to do. You cannot do it without honoring the reality you are losing something very valuable to you.

Build healthy connections. The only way to really free yourself from unhealthy connections is to start investing in healthy ones. Develop other close, connected, and bonded relationships that are not centered on drama. Make these your “go-to” people. It is extremely difficult to heal without support. Notice the people in your life who show you loving concern, and care and hang around with them as often as you can. Reach out for professional help as needed.

#Utsaah Psychology Clinic
if you have any question don't hesitate contact us:
www.utsaah.co
Ph: 9891717772

5 Ways to Put Yourself First

5 Ways to Put Yourself First

Start Saying “No”

A lot of people have a problem saying no. We feel like we will come off as mean or ungrateful if we refuse our time or services to people who ask for them. But we can’t let other people’s perceptions of us lead us down a path of unhappiness. You are allowed to say no.

Take Time for Yourself Regularly

Those once a month date nights or five minutes of reprieve after your kids fall asleep before you pass out for the night aren’t enough to count as real time to yourself. 

Stop Trying To Be Supermom

You have a family and a partner for a reason, a large part of that reason is due to the support that they provide. Being a good wife and mother doesn’t mean that you have to do everything by yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask for accept help when you need it.

Be Indulgent

Money, time, and obligations keep us from jet setting off to tropical beaches anytime we get stressed or disconnecting from the world when we need some time to get ourselves together. That only makes the little things that much more important.

Squash The Mom Guilt

Mom guilt is so, so real. Whether we’re being made to feel guilty by other moms or by ourselves, it can cause a lot of pain and self-doubt. One of the main, and maybe most important, rules of putting yourself first is letting go of the guilt

#Utsaah Psychology Clinic

If you have any question don’t hesitate contact us:

www.utsaah.co

Ph: 9891717772